i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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