I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
