I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
