I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Two words: blizzard sex
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
