he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
