and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
