I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
