Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
