it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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