Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
