what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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