There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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