I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
