I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
