On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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