I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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