I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
