if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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