Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
