you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
