All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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