I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
