It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
