Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
