One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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