This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
