A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
