just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
