I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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