so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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