I just pynch a tree in the face
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So apparently I’m into choking now
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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