Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
