Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
