counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
