i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
