this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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