woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
