I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
