i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
