You're completely useless in the revolution.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
