i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
In other news, I just burned my penis
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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