He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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