Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
