You smell like a Billy Joel song
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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