you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
