I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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