i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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