We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
