I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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