I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
