I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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