i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
