I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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