i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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