I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
