it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
