Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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