i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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