i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
