Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
